driving is such a humbling experience. it's not very easy, especially when you have your family in the car with you. not only would you have to take in all the pointers and instructions (sometimes given not-too-nicely), you have to take note of where your car is moving, the cars that are zooming past you, and of course your family's safety. passing the practical test doesnt mean much. being able to handle different situations on the roads is the real test. i've still got much more to learn.

hearing my elder bro communicating with us over skype is a bittersweet every-night affair to me. i take comfort in the fact that he's alive and well, yet feel troubled by my limited ability to do anything to help him feel better. it's obviously not easy being in his position. nevertheless, the fact that he doesnt succumb to negative pressure in light of all the events which has happened, is something really commendable in my opinion.

i've officially ended my last camp on friday evening! re-cap on the camps which i've been to..

SMUCF (christian fellowship)

SOCSC (sch of social sciences) 
 

UNI-Y (cip)


FTB (freshmen team-building) 


and SMUX (smu Xtremists) camp!
 
(will put up a better photo when i have one!)

as you can tell, i am pretty much physically and mentally worn out after 5 camps, but i guess considering the experience which i've had it's more or less worth it. From underwater hockey to bartering at thieves market to learning the sign language, each of these experience hold a special meaning in my heart. not forgetting all the friendships made along the way. there are somethings that i'll definitely hold dear to for the next 4 years of my journey in smu.

it felt good to be able to drive my family around in the car today. (: 

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept faith."
2Tim 4:7

i remember the disappointment which my mum and i experienced when we found out that we missed the application dateline for the Shape Run last yr. so this year when it came about again, we simply grabbed at the chance! so, everything all comes to this. Shape Run 2008, happening TMR. mum's taking the 5km route, while i'll be taking the 10km route. 

but the truth is i havent been training for this run at all. it's easy for me to give excuses that i've been caught up with many activities hence the lack of opportunities to run, but i think the fundamentally its due to the lack of discipline in me. prob due to the complacency in me as well (that i've ran 10km routes before, so this time it shldnt be a prob). i can count the no. of times ive set my alarm to wake up early for a run, yet always failing to do so in the end. (you know how the snooze button is your best friend? i can see some of you guys agreeing with me).  

technically up till today i was still filled with guilt and disappointment with myself. i cant believe how 2 months flew past so quickly, how i did not manage to complete any of the training which i set out to do so when i first signed up. all that empty talk, you could say. :( what made it worse was that i was consuming too much sinful food like ice-cream, street food, and snacks! (esp when i was thailand). to add salt to the wound, i slept late and can sleep for the whole day the next day. i felt like a sloth. it was a period of an extremely unhealthy lifestyle. im almost ashamed to admit.

so it was with almost-reluctance i took out my runner's bib today and made the prep work for tmr's run. Staring at the 4-digit number, it was like, face to face with reality man. however, when i read this portion called "(runnning) for the Soul" of the Shape Run booklet, which says, "The pressure of time and performance on your mind can prevent you from enjoying the activity.", my mentality changed. i realised i was too caught up with how i was going to perform rather than focusing on other aspects of the run, like how my mum is actually going to be running in this race with me, and as her daughter it's my responsibility to encourage her. in addition, i was too worried about my timings and all and hence, almost forgotten the reason why i enjoyed running in the first place.

When people question me why i like running so much, my explanation/s somehow always fall short of how i really feel during the runs. their response would usually be, "..Siao ar! run so much for what?" but i found a portion of the shape magazine that puts it aptly and is almost enough to truly encapsulate how i really feel,

"Longer distances tend to lead you into deeper introspection, and increase your chances of achieving a runner's high - a feeling of euphoria caused by the rush of endorphins surging through the body.

Focus on how you try to overcome the limitations of your body and mind, and know that you will come out of it stronger and more resilient.

Through this simple endeavour, you can develop an attitude of humility and faith by realising how vulnerable yet determined you can actually be."

im actually quite amazed by how physically running a race is so intrinsically linked with running a race for God :) apart from the fact that the race is about overcoming obstacles, it's also about the constant training and preparation (reading the bible and doing QT regularly etc.) that will better equip you for the race. (which of cos i've failed to do so this time round, unfortunately.)  

so i guess this is it. no more feeling pangs of guilt, but just going there tmr to enjoy the whole process of running with 8000 other like-minded ladies. first time running in the city, so i'll make it count.


and last but not least, i will run the race for God! :)

IM BACK! the trip to bangkok was really an eventful one i must say. ups and downs. although i had lots of fun in thailand, i guess it's still best to be back in singapore. i love how they always say on the flights back to singapore, "..to all singaporeans, welcome home."

bangkok's where the fun was
but singapore's where the heart is.

i finally got matriculated today! think when i met rachel just now i was probably half awake due to sleep debt accumulated from the thai trip. touched down in singapore only at midnight yesterday, hence the fatigue when i woke up early to prepare for the matriculation and to pack all my luggage stuff. im glad its over! so many camps to look forward to...

july shall officially be termed CAMP MONTH.

in about 4 hours time, i'll be at budget terminal waiting to aboard the 6am flight to bangkok. it just feels rather surreal at this moment right now. haha. i still have to do a crash course on this new phone (N78) which dad bought for me to use for the trip. maps, calls/sms and camera 3-in-1. haha. pls keep me in your prayers, esp. for journey mercies. also, pray that this trip in all aspects, would be a fufilling one. Amen (:

well, as promised (to myself), ive stopped all my jobs already. i can safely say that this long holiday has been an eventful one so far, with me managing to attain what i set out for once A levels ended, esp. in the job aspect. managed to capture lovely pics to remind me of each experience too. shall put them up when i have more time. (:

MCYS Internship (2 wks)
MFA Temp Job (3-4 months)
Teaching at Haig Girls (bout 2 months)
Swensons Waitressing (1 day! HAHA.)
Cedele (3 weeks)

thank God for these wonderful opportunities which He has blessed me with. It is so amazing how everything just came together, and now, i even have time for a little overseas trip. its hard to think that just about 2 months ago i was filled with so much anxiety regarding uni applications. it was really a difficult time, definitely a test of faith for me. but im glad i managed to pull through and with God's grace, i've got the uni and course which i wanted. words cant express how thankful i am and how amazed i am at His works in my life. all glory and honour be His. (:

when i come back, im gonna be swarmed by a whole swarm of uni camps and of course, my driving test! haha today my driving instructor gave me a mock test, and i passed! 8 demerit points though. but i almost had an immediate failure when i reversed without noticing that the car behind me THIS --> <--- close. yeah but all comes to that day man. hopefully i'll be able to pass on my first try. TRIPLE-ONE. (inside joke eh rachel? haha) 

prayer is so powerful. it is, it really is.

some food for thought:

- no matter how hard you knock on the other person's door, if the other person simply refuses to open it, there's really nothing much you can do. it's not like you can kick it open or bang it down. that would be very rude.
so you just leave it until that person realises that his/her house is actually on fire.

- sometimes you really dont notice something good in front of you until it just slips away, right in front of your eyes.

- but sometimes, it really is just God telling us, "stop dictating your own life, and let me take the lead."

- if you always let others have the best part of the pie, and refuse to fight for what you really want, then what are you left with?

- well God will make a way, where there seems to be no way.

till then-

Glory.
His glory.

have you been to suntec at 7am in the morning? its really quiet, although i am actually rather surprised to see people up at such an unearthly hour. have been doing so for the past two days, to get to work at Cedele (nice sandwiches and signature cakes! soup is pretty good too. albeit them being rather pricey). at least i get to try out the stuff they have there at the barista. (: i get to have one sandwich per day! yum. average 7 bucks for one, not cheap. i like the customer crowd there though. (: office-working people (random: i kinda miss working at mfa), they are mostly ang-mohs. they are really well-dressed, esp. the men. crisp shirts with ties; very smart. *nods in approval* 

as for today, i took an order from a European guy who has one of the BLUEST pair of eyes, ever. they are like a pair of bottomless clearwater pits, so glassy and forever-blue. he looked straight at me, and i just kept staring and staring...

well anyway,

heres the very first sandwich i did! (:

so far have been working mostly morning-afternoon shifts. but will be going back to teaching once sch reopens next week, prob will have to work afternoon-night shifts then. even then, dont think i can work at Cedele for long. its time to prepare myself mentally for uni as well. (: adjusting priorities, and making some time off to love and know thyself. in other terms, slack and relax la. haha.




(other thoughts and reflections, for later.)

for now;

got potential?

happy fathers' day. <3

speedgames is officially over.
there's so much to say, but i just cant put my words to it.
maybe not at this moment.
feeling's bittersweet.

"don't make their problem our problem."
wise words indeed. (:

nevertheless, thank you guys, for being such a great team.

oh yes,
i <3 bossa nova.